Losing a job due to a termination or layoff is possibly one of the most traumatic experiences we can have as adults. Through speaking with many people in my office daily, this type of job loss is remembered and felt as vividly as a first broken heart. The sum of all fears come together in a single moment as you sit in your managers office. The cold sweat, the ringing in your ears not quite following or understanding what you are hearing in that moment about when your medical benefits will end. "Why"? You ask yourself, "Why me? I was always..... (insert skill or quality here)" You see your life flash before your eyes. Some of you might be in such shock in the moment and others may be filled with rage. You think about your family, your bills, rent, mortgage as well as all of the other things or people that depend upon you and your income in this life. Now what?
Even when we decide to leave our jobs for something better, it is ironic how the feelings can be the same! We question our decision to go at least one thousand times, or at least I do. We fear that probationary period and like most humans, change is challenging for us so we do not depart until we are so uncomfortable in our current situation hating our job or boss that the departure is just as bitter as if we were terminated. Then of course in our weakest moments there are our life coaches better known as friends and family offering us advice for our situations. Some of which may be accurate or applicable and some not so much! Follow me and lets explore this painful topic to find some clearer perspective on this life changing path.
What do you do now?
First of all you must not beat yourself up, you are not a failure! Terminations can happen to anyone at anytime. Perhaps the reason for your dismissal was due to performance issues or other workplace causes you may have had a hand in. Maybe your dismissal may have been due to company downsizing. Either way, you have the opportunity to learn from the experience, understand what you need to do differently in your next role. Your emotions and feelings will no doubt make you feel like you are walking through a four foot snow drift uphill in the bitter cold. You can get through this life disrupting experience.
I always advise after a dismissal that you seek appropriate advice even if you are content with the severance package you may have been given. It is good to consult your local Employment Standards branch or find a good lawyer to review all of your documents. One thing I know for sure about firings, friends and family come out of the woodwork with all kinds of advice that may or may not be accurate so having a subject matter expert guide you through this is imperative. Most of all be kind to yourself. You may not be ready to job hunt because the pain or hard feelings are still at the surface. An expert interviewer will spot this and any chances of being hired will be scuttled due to your off comment or deportment during that interview. Take a few days, assess where you stand, what you need, what employment insurance benefits you qualify for and rest. Settle down and then let the search begin for the next work chapter in your life.
Dealing With Feelings of Depression And Self Worth
Embarassement, anger, grief, profound confusion, feeling lost, shock, fear, panic, lack of motivation, anxiety - Do any of these words currently describe how you are feeling right now?
Losing your job due to a termination is actually a few experiences combined into the one act. You have lost your workplace family and friends, your social network connection, source of income and your sense of purpose so you are grieving this on many levels. If you feel that this is too much for you to cope with there are medical professionals that can help. Counsellors and physicians are far more understanding and knowledgeable today regarding workplace stress and it's affect upon us. I urge to seek this help if you are feeling completely overwhelmed by your experience. There are crisis lines in your area that will listen if you need to talk and do not want to share your experience with friends or family. You do need to talk this out with someone in order to process your experience. I know that you can get through this and get yourself back on track with these few steps.
1. Be kind to yourself! Go for a walk, talk to friends, be in nature or do whatever makes you happy in that moment. Some of my friends and clients hike, clean house, paint, journal to restore themselves but just be gentle and force nothing.
2. Routine - This is so important because we are creatures of habit and when our habits are disrupted we tend to feel lost easily getting ourselves off track. Get up at the same time each day as you would normally. Maintain that morning routine so that you are fresh and ready to job search. Be dressed when you job search, avoid the pj's or sweatpants trap. You will feel so much better if you do this. You will also be more discerning with your job search as well.
3. One Door Philosophy - It is really true in life that when one door closes, another amazing one opens. Be ready for what's behind door number two. I am a perpetual optimist. Not because I am silly or look at the world through rose colored glasses but because I have seen too many amazing things happen for my clients and people in my life on their job search journey. I have seen people rejected for a role they have interviewed for or terminated from and my experience has been that when one person or company says no to you, that means another amazing opportunity is there for you. Be optimistic and know that something great is just right there.
4. Analyze - So let me ask you about your work experience, this job that you were just let go from, in retrospect was it really what you loved? What would you do differently today? Were you really happy every day 80 percent of the time? Did you feel like you were making a difference? What would you like to do today? Where would you dream about working? Would you like a complete career change? This is the time to ask yourself some good questions and create a map for yourself out of this situation. Make a short term plan to find yourself back to employment. Maybe you are thinking of going back to school or changing your career path all together. Now is the time
5. Networking And Staying In Touch - It is important if you can to stay in touch with your work network. Not for the purpose of a bashing session about the company, gossip or complaining although tempting and perhaps fun afterall we are human but to be able to call upon this resource for references or to stay current with your industry as you begin your job search. This can be tricky however because not everyone may be comfortable speaking with you for a variety of reasons. They may be fearful or feel disloyal to the company, speaking with you may frighten them because this could be them! Or they are just uncomfortable and do not know what to say to you.
Be gentle on your network, they believe they are doing the same for you and in time communication may open up within your group. Everyone deals with loss and grief differently. I was speaking with a group of people who had been left in their jobs after a major layoff within their company. It was interesting to hear that while this group was very grateful to have been spared within their organization they were dealing with what they called survivors guilt. Why had they been chosen to stay when coworkers of equal or better skill levels let go?
6. Get Off The Couch! I am a five foot tall woman I will share with you my all time motivational quote from my hero Master Yoda who is also perhaps five feet tall. Really! I am not kidding here. Yoda tells young Skwalker "Do or do not...there is no try." Slowly with baby steps get yourself going again. This is a great time to start that daily walk, meditation or journal! It is during this time where you suddenly have all kinds of time on your hands so what are you going to do with it? It is so easy to be demotivated but there are things you can do. Do not give in to the daytime TV trap. Give back and spend a few hours each day as a volunteer when you are not working on your job search. We need to be active in our daily lives so look for reasons to be active.
In my next blog I will discuss interviews, resumes and gaps in employment after a terminiation or layoff. In the meantime, focus your energy and talent on your achievements in your career. Think about the choices that are in front of you today and also consider the possibilities that are here for you now!
Be well!
Questions, comments? Feel free to contact me at greymattertalenttechnologies@gmail.com
